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Birth partner cheat sheet: print it, fold it, put it in his bag

A birth partner has three jobs: keep her fed, calm and comfortable at home in early labour, be her voice with the midwife once labour is established, and know exactly when to call. Early labour can last many hours or even days, so most of it happens at home. [NHS] This one page covers each stage, what to say when she says she cannot do it, the questions to ask, and the NHS call thresholds. [NHS]

Fits on one or two A4 or Letter sheets.
BIRTH PARTNER CHEAT SHEET · DAD-OS

Stage by stage: what to do, what to say, when to call. General information, not medical advice. Your midwife or doctor knows her case.

When to call: UK (NHS)

Call the midwife or maternity unit for guidance
  • She thinks she is in labour.
  • Contractions are regular and come every 5 minutes or more often.
  • You or she are unsure or worried about anything.
Call urgently
  • Her waters break.
  • She has vaginal bleeding.
  • The baby is moving less than usual.
  • She is less than 37 weeks pregnant and thinks labour might be starting.
  • Any contraction lasts longer than 2 minutes.
  • She is having 6 or more contractions in 10 minutes.

Do not wait until the next day. Call straight away, even in the middle of the night.

Call 999 for an ambulance if you think the baby is coming now and she has a strong urge to push.

Call NHS 111 if you cannot reach the midwife or maternity unit. [NHS]

Early labour at home

This early (latent) stage can take many hours, or even days, before labour is established. It is usually the longest stage. [NHS]

Eating and drinking now helps with energy for later. In the day, staying upright and gently active can help. At night, she should sleep if she can. [NHS]

Breathing exercises, massage and a warm bath or shower may ease pain at this stage. In the UK, the NHS says paracetamol taken as the packet says is safe in labour. [NHS · NHS]

If you go in before labour is established, the unit may suggest you go home for a while. That is normal. [NHS]

Do
  • Time the contractions: start to start for the gap, start to stop for the length.
  • Keep small snacks and drinks coming for her. Eat something yourself too.
  • Daytime: walk and stay upright together. Night: lights low, help her rest.
  • Offer a back rub, slow breathing together, or run a warm bath.
  • Check the bags, car seat, fuel, phone charge and the maternity unit or OB number now.
  • Call the maternity unit or OB when the pattern meets their threshold, or any time either of you is worried.
Say
  • You are doing this. One at a time.
  • I have the timing. You just breathe.
  • Eat a little now. You will want it later.

Active (established) labour

Established labour means the cervix has opened to about 4cm and contractions are stronger and more regular. [NHS]

In a first pregnancy, getting from there to fully dilated usually takes 8 to 18 hours. [NHS]

The midwife checks how things are going, offers pain relief if she wants it, and listens to the baby's heart every 15 minutes with a small handheld device. [NHS]

She may want a massage, or may not want to be touched at all. A bath or birth pool can help her relax. [NHS]

Do
  • Hand over the birth plan and tell the midwife or nurse what she wants, so she does not have to.
  • Between contractions: a sip of water, a cool cloth, the fan.
  • Help her change position. Walking around or any position that feels right is fine.
  • Breathe slowly with her through each contraction.
  • If she does not want to be touched, stop, and stay close.
  • Keep the room calm: lights down, her music, visitors and messages on hold.
  • Remind her she can ask for pain relief at any point. Her call, not yours.
Say
  • Breathe with me. Slow in, long out.
  • That one is done. It is not coming back.
  • Tell me what you need and I will sort it.

Pushing

The pushing (second) stage runs from fully dilated to the birth. She may feel an urge to push. With an epidural she may not feel it at all. [NHS]

She can sit, lie on her side, stand, kneel or squat. Kneeling on all fours may help if she has had a lot of backache. [NHS]

For a first baby, this stage should last no longer than 3 hours. As the head is born, the midwife will ask her to stop pushing and take short breaths. [NHS]

Do
  • Stay up by her head unless she asks you to be somewhere else.
  • Repeat the midwife's or nurse's instructions calmly if she cannot hear them.
  • Support the position she picks: a hand, a leg, or her weight.
  • Between pushes: water, a cool cloth, quiet.
  • If you want to cut the cord, ask now.
Say
  • I am right here. Listen to the midwife.
  • Rest now. This gap is yours.
  • Every push counts. Keep going.

After the birth

She can usually hold the baby straight away for skin to skin. Ideally the first feed happens within 1 hour of the birth. [NHS]

The placenta comes next. With active management (an injection), the midwife usually waits 1 to 5 minutes before cutting the cord, and the placenta usually comes within 30 minutes. [NHS]

Do
  • Protect the first hour: skin to skin and the first feed come before calls and photos.
  • Ask whether you can hold the baby skin to skin when she needs a rest.
  • Write down what you are told about feeding, stitches and checks.
  • Send the agreed message to the agreed short list, when she says.
  • Eat, drink, and get the car seat ready for the trip home.
Say
  • You did it. Then name exactly what she did.
  • I have the phone and the visitors. You rest.

When she says she cannot do it

  • Agree that it is hard. Do not argue with how she feels, and do not tell her she is fine.
  • Shrink it: just this contraction, then rest.
  • Ask if she wants to talk to the midwife or nurse about pain relief, and tell them what she said.
  • Change one thing: position, water, light, music.
Say
  • This is really hard, and you are doing it.
  • Just this one. I will count it with you.
  • Do you want me to get the midwife?
Never say

It cannot be that bad. Or anything that compares her to someone else.

Questions to ask the midwife

  • How is she getting on, and what happens next?
  • How is the baby doing?
  • What pain relief can she have at this point?
  • Can she eat or drink now?
  • What can I do to help right now?
  • If the plan changes: why, what are the options, and how long do we have to decide?
  • Can I cut the cord, and can we have skin to skin straight away?
  • Before we go home: what should we watch for, and who do we call?

In the US?

Follow your hospital's instructions and the plan your OB gave you. If she thinks she is in labor or is not sure, call her OB. [ACOG] In an emergency, call 911.

Checked against NHS and ACOG pages on 2026-10-17. expectopapa.com/birth-partner-cheat-sheet

▸In the US: what should dads do during labor?

Same job, different words: labor and delivery, the nurse and the OB. The US version of this guide covers when to call the OB and when to go to the hospital, from ACOG's patient guidance.

▸Pack his bag next

The NHS suggests having the hospital bag packed at least 3 weeks before the due date. [NHS] Hospital bag for dad: the checklist he can tick off on his phone →

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▸Common questions

What does a birth partner do during labour?

Time the contractions, keep her eating and drinking in early labour, help with breathing, massage and positions, and speak to the midwife for her so she does not have to. In early labour the NHS suggests staying upright and gently active in the day and sleeping at night if possible.

When should we call the maternity unit?

The NHS says call your midwife or maternity unit for guidance if she thinks she is in labour or contractions are regular and every 5 minutes or more often. Call urgently if her waters break, she bleeds, the baby moves less than usual, she is under 37 weeks, a contraction lasts over 2 minutes, or there are 6 or more in 10 minutes.

What should I say when she says she cannot do it?

Agree that it is hard rather than arguing, shrink it to just this contraction, and ask if she wants to talk to the midwife about pain relief. Never tell her it cannot be that bad.

Why might the hospital send us home?

Early labour can take many hours or even days. The NHS says that if you go in before labour is established, the unit may suggest you go home for a while. That is a normal part of early labour, not a mistake on your part.

▸Sources

Every health fact on this page was checked against these pages. Where guidance differs by country or hospital, follow your own midwife or doctor.

Not medical advice

This is general information for expectant fathers, not clinical guidance. Anything about symptoms, pain, or bleeding goes to your midwife, doctor, or emergency service, not to an app.

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